I know I haven’t written one of these in a while and I know I’ve touched on this issue before but I’ve been really struggling lately with finding that self-love I was beginning to master- I’m home for the summer and that means it’s time for bathing suits and shorts and tank tops and as I sit here and look at my full length mirror I couldn’t think of a worse nightmare. All those other summers I kept meaning to get around to going to the gym and to cut back on fast food but I was always a little bit thicker and curvier so who would notice a couple extra pounds? But now a couple has turned into 30 and the only person I can blame is me. So now instead of looking at the scale and making excuses, I’m dealing with reality; I’m in tune with how my insides feel- ridiculously unhealthy and bloated and that right there is my motivator. I will never be a size 0 and that’s ok!! My only dream for myself is I want to finally feel like there’s nothing holding me back, I want my outer shell to match everything I am within, I don’t want to let my weight stop me from being anything less than great. But weight loss and confidence don’t happen over night, nothing you ever truly want does. So during this journey of self- love I have to love the body I have right now; today, in this moment. I have to see the stretch marks and cellulite and say this is just temporary, I have to stop looking at the size of my jeans and feeling defeated every time I have to go up a size because that’s what I’m working with right now. If I can’t love my body at it absolute worst no amount of weight loss will ever make me feel beautiful, I’ll never be satisfied and I let this vicious cycle of tearing myself down continue until I’m left with nothing. So yes this is a personal rant but my message here is clear- if YOU can’t love yourself at your worst how can you ever expect anyone else to want to?